I want to acknowledge this in writing because I really haven’t up until this point.

I genuinely feel better nowadays and I’m grateful for being able to adapt and form a new perspective on people, situations, things. For such a long time I was stuck in my depression and I honestly thought I was going to stay stuck in that position forever, but changing my focus changed me and I’m not stuck anymore.

I’m happy.


alicia tristen nguyen turned 5 today!
AW TUMBLR I’VE MISSED U!!! :’)

alicia tristen nguyen turned 5 today!

AW TUMBLR I’VE MISSED U!!! :’)

sometimes when i think of the people that i’ve drifted away from, i develop this unusual fear/insecurity that i’ve been a bad person or that i’m just unworthy of being kept around and i end up really putting myself down because of it. 

been overthinking like a motherfucker lately. maybe it’s from working the past 16 days in a row. i need a break.


i’ve been unfair and i’m sorry.


"

In all you currently have– be them relationships or obligations– step back and ask yourself “why.” If you can find the answer, hold tighter. If the answer escapes you, it’s time to let something go.

(:


"You don’t know what you want."

Well, I do know what I do not want and that suffices for me.


i finally feel like myself again


you told me that i shouldn’t regret or feel remorseful over things that i enjoyed or that made me happy. hedonistic experiences aren’t a bad thing and doing things for my own pleasure doesn’t make me a bad person. usually i’d feel stupid or i’d start questioning my actions if i did something out of character like that, but after that night, i didn’t feel that weight hanging over me anymore. there are some things that i don’t have control over, and i have to learn that it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with me when these things happen. everything outside of me falls into place on its own.

it’s okay for me to try and figure out what i like and don’t like and even if that means i have to go through these processes and motions, my wants and desires still matter just as much. self-interest doesn’t mean selfishness and i need to stop letting people make me believe otherwise.

"you can only be afraid of what you think you know."
fear hinders us from experiencing emotions in whole and from being entirely present. i’m realizing that my fears are totally derived from my own thoughts and there exists a limit to these thoughts that i can overcome. there’s so much that i am realizing i DON’T know, and until i fully allow myself to experience/figure these things out, i cannot allow myself to be scared nor hesitant.

 


fucking fuck fuck fuck

FUCK.

STOP.


It was weird because I just didn’t expect to feel like that still.


I’ve been really careless and I guess I was kind of seeking attention for a while. I feel pretty stupid for the way I was acting and honestly kind of ashamed for letting myself get to that point. I always told myself I’d never handle myself that way, but I did and it was a mistake to do so.

I felt like I was being neglected and that really hurt. Everyone’s priorities started changing and I was still stuck in the same position and that was hard to process.

This is just something that I wasn’t prepared for. I kept pretending like it didn’t bother me when all I really needed to do was express how I felt. But for some reason every time I would think I was ready to talk about it with someone, somebody would tell me I should get over the way I felt or that I shouldn’t feel that way and that’s a really shitty thing for someone you’re confiding in to say.

So that’s why I finally decided to just shut my mouth and stop talking about it and if I did talk about it, it would only be in jest.

And I guess realizing this helps me get over it a little more on my own. And maybe it’ll be a long while until I am, but it’s something that I’m willing to work towards. I just need to be honest with myself. I’m not going to tell myself to feel a certain way just because someone else thinks I should.

Maybe I repeat myself sometimes and maybe this shit sounds like common sense or maybe it makes no sense at all, but it’s really something that I need to keep track of and fresh in my mind.